xoxo,
V.I.P

Because I was so impressed with their live singing and stage charisma, I replayed that 2 minute video again. BAM! And that's how I fell in love with Kim Jinu, ladies and gentleman. It's unusual for me but when I fall, I fall hard! I was really captivated by his beauty. His looks is really out of this world. His prettiness struck me like a lightning. And you know, the usual process starts going on.

First, google Winner members. Found his face. Got his name. Next up, check his age. 1991?! Are you kidding me? Someone I can literally call oppa?! Read about his TMI. Knows that he has skin allergy and took medicine every morning because he has 2 cats bla bla bla. Starts to listen to Winner songs and found out that their songs are actually nice! 

Then the rabbit hole just got deeper. So, for the past one week, I've re-watched a shameful amount of times of that 2 minute video clips of them on Knowing Brothers, learn to sing their songs, catch up with all the past variety shows they've been on. I thought it would take me 6 months to get to know all their songs but surprisingly, I almost finish all their songs in 2 hours. You thought that would be it. No, I want more. I want to know more about them. Starts to google their news but can't find much, want to join inner circle fan group on FB but can't find much too. What is happening? They have been around for 8 years, why there is not much information (as compared to the almighty BTS). I know they came out from a reality show which is super duper hot during that time but seems like they don't have high popularity now compared to back then. 

I've decided to just be a solo stan but it's difficult because if I need to watch him, I need to watch the other 3 members too. Then slowly I have a ranking list. Jinu > Seung Yoon > Seung Hoon > Mino. But after watching so many variety shows of them, my list becomes Jinu > Seung Yoon > Mino > Seung Hoon. 

And then I started to realize, damn... I actually see myself in Jinu. I secretly think he is an INFJ. If I were a celebrity, I'd probably look like that on TV! Shy, awkward, quiet, doesn't shine particularly in talent when compared to other members, minimalist, doesn't voice out own opinion, will usually wait for the others to say it then will say 'yea, I also think like that', doesn't seem to have a particular important role in a group, doesn't gain the main attention when placed in a group (but for him, it's really hard not to put attention on him because his face will shine so brightly until it's blinding), doesn't have much confidence (it shows in his posture, body language and the words he use) Fuck, that's so me. I hate that. Because I hate myself like that too.

But, to be able to found someone that is so similar to me (at least the public persona), it's sort of comforting? At least, my tribe is doing not so bad at the other part of the world. He is in the top 3 agency, he has supportive members, he feels alive when he goes on variety shows. I'm proud of you buddy, you really did well. 

Oh, he is a homebody too. He can just sit in the same sofa spot to watch drama the moment he wakes up. Keep watching and watching until his schedule starts at night. He said that the longest time he didnt step out of house is 1 week. Dude, we all know that is an understatement. It's definitely more than that. Mine is 2 weeks. He doesn't like to share any of his personal stories and details too (to be fair, 4 of them doesn't share much either). 

So... seeing Jinu with my own eyes is in my bucket list now. Jinu ya, I really need to see that pretty face in real life before I die. Please wait for me ok?

PS: it's 520 today and I don't even feel sad (well, felt a bit sad when I realize it's 520) because Jinu and the boys keep me happy and made me a fangirl all day and night. Luckily I have found another float to hold on to while sinking in this fucked up world. So what? 30 year old cannot scream at pretty boys doing sexy stun meh?

xoxo,
V.I.P

xoxo,
V.I.P

First of all, I can safely say the pandemic is over!!! We don't need to wear mask outdoor and don't need to scan QR code everywhere we go anymore~ A bit sad that we have to bid goodbye to those QR code scanning before entering premises but hey, life goes on!

And also, I got my WHV!! It's so overwhelming so I have to keep reminding myself. One baby step at a time. One baby step. First step, apply the visa. Second step, got the visa. Third step, decide when to leave - aaaand I'm stuck at third step>.>

Initially I plan to leave at the end of September but then I'll finish my WHV in June. Alang2 eh. Because I'm secretly hoping I can get a job at ski resort or somewhere near ski resort in winter 2023. With just 1 month of WHV left, no ski resort will hire me eh. Even with 2 months also maybe no? But the chance is definitely better than 1 month. So I delay my plan to end of October. With that, I will have 2 months - June and July to work somewhere nearby to ski/snowboard. Not sure if it's a good plan but that's all I can come up with. Literally I can depart anytime since I'm a freeman. But end of May I have to go Brunei and June/July tickets are expensive. If I go in August then my final 3 months will be winter and that's not good because during the final 3 months I want to live a campervan life and driving during winter is dangerous. And that's how I come to decide that I will depart on 31st Oct, reach NZ on 1st Nov, finish WHV on 31st July, final 3 months - Aug, Sep, Oct to explore. August is still winter so I can base near Mt Hutt to ski/snowboard. When spring comes in September I will start a campervan life. Since I can study during the final 3 months so I plan to look up for some data/digital marketing courses too. I'm so excited for all these!! Finally, I have found reasons to live.

Initially I plan not to go North Island at all but.. that's a bummer innit? So I have decided to land in Auckland, work my ass off at North Island to save at least $20k. Then go the South Island after I extended my WHV - Jan/Feb or right before my WHV ended - May/June or after my WHV ended - Aug. I plan to save up $2000 in the first 2 months to buy a car. Then sold it off and buy a campervan later on. 

Of course, if I ever get a working visa, then all these plan will go down the drain. I do hope I can bring back at least $10k back to Malaysia though. 

Finally my dream comes true T.T I gave up this dream thinking that I would never have the courage to go alone since finding a like-minded friend to go together is impossible for me because I don't have that many friends to start with haha. My closest bet would be lilin but her husband doesn't allow. It's true also. Who is 30yo with no bf/husband to restrict, no career ladder to climb, no family to take care of and most importantly, need to have a big capital to start? In my circle - none! I'm really lucky to have mum to support me T.T Otherwise I might need to sell my kidney in order to fulfill this dream. And after my gallbladder is goner, my courage is foundxD

Ok, that's my thought process for the past few days/weeks. Welcome to my complicated mind yet simple life!

xoxo,
V.I.P